Differences in culture and religion can make parenting more complicated. Effective communication skills and empathy can help navigate this complexity. By being willing to compromise and developing compromise skills, you can create a harmonious parenting journey.
Here are 5 questions to consider when facing cross-cultural parenting challenges:
1- How do the cultural and religious differences affect your relationship?
For example, one parent may come from a culture where extended family involvement is common, while the other values independence. Understanding these differences is the first step. This dynamic might affect everyday decisions, such as determining the level of involvement grandparents should have in childcare or deciding the role of religion in your family.
2- How do your cultural norms contrast with your parenting values?
You may encounter a situation where your cultural norms clash with your shared parenting values. It’s important to recognize the areas of disagreement and potential conflict early on.
Cultural norms are often deeply rooted, and you may not immediately question the values or beliefs behind them. A clash presents an opportunity for you to delve into and understand the hidden areas of disagreement so you can address it constructively.
The Gottman Method of therapy offers an exercise designed to help couples uncover the underlying dreams within their conflict. By understanding these underlying dreams, you can approach the issue constructively and work towards a resolution.
Seek Harmony Through Empathy Exercise:
- Put yourself in your partner’s position. If your partner values communal support due to their cultural background, understanding their perspective fosters understanding and builds connection.
- Understand that there are not necessarily right and wrong perspectives but rather two valid truths.
- Acknowledge that your partner’s viewpoint is their reality, shaped by their cultural background and personal experiences.
3- Where is the Intersection of Culture and Parenting Styles?
Your partner might have grown up in a culture where discipline is more authoritarian, while you lean towards a nurturing approach. Finding common ground where your parenting styles intersect is key. For example, explore how you can blend these approaches to create a strategy that is age-appropriate for your child. It should be supportive yet set clear boundaries for your child.
Compromise is crucial. Embrace compromise as a dynamic process of integrating culture and beliefs. It’s not about sacrificing one culture for another but finding a blend that honors both backgrounds.
Compromise doesn’t mean giving up your perspective or values either. Instead, it involves finding a middle ground that respects both cultural beliefs and perspectives.
Imagine a scenario where you want your child to participate in traditional cultural events, but your partner is concerned about the child feeling overwhelmed. Using the Art of Compromise, you might decide to attend the events but introduce them gradually, ensuring your child’s comfort.
Based on Gottman Therapy principles, creating a compromise is important for couples who want harmony. Couples work together to blend elements of each partner’s culture into a parenting approach that reflects shared values. The key is to find common ground that respects cultural heritage while staying true to cherished core values.
4- Do You Need Consistent Parenting Guidelines?
Yes. Now that you have compromised, sit down together and make a set of parenting guidelines that combine both your cultural influences. Consistency is comforting for both parents and children. Commit to your shared parenting goals, focusing on consistency as an important element. By agreeing on what you have in common and your shared goals, you have created your own relationship culture compass which can help you navigate the path forward with parenting. The compass respects the richness of each person’s cultural background. Use your relationship culture compass often to prevent conflict.
5- Is it Time to Seek External Support?
Sometimes, it helps to seek external support. Consider doing the Gottman "Art of Compromise exercise" with a trained therapist. This exercise helps couples deal with their differences and find solutions that honor both perspectives. Art of Compromise exercise with a trained therapist. This exercise helps couples navigate their differences and find solutions that honor both perspectives.
Remember, you’re a team, and dealing with these cultural and values differences together strengthens your bond. Your children can benefit from the richness of both your backgrounds, creating a diverse and inclusive environment.
Essentially, by embracing empathy, setting consistent guidelines, and making compromises guided by the Gottman method, you’re not just navigating culture and values in parenting — you’re creating a unique tapestry that combines the best of both worlds.
Your journey might have its twists and turns, but with love, understanding, and the Gottman approach, you’re well-prepared to face it all and raise thriving, culturally enriched children.
