Disagreements about money can put a lot of strain on a relationship, and they are a common cause of arguments and even divorce for couples. When couples argue about money, it often leads to blame, anger, and resentment.
Money is a sensitive subject for most couples, and there is no single right way of dealing with issues like
unequal assets, job losses, and credit card debt. Arguments about money often stem from deeper emotions like dreams, fears, and insecurities.
For example, your upbringing in a household with financial struggles or abundance can shape your financial habits, such as being a saver or a spender. It's important to recognize and understand how your financial approach aligns or differs from your partner's.
Our attitudes and beliefs about money are rooted in our childhood experiences, and when these clash with our partner's, it can lead to conflict and chronic tension in the relationship.
Many of us were taught by our families that discussing money was impolite, or that our personal finances should be kept private. These misconceptions may lead to avoiding money discussions or keeping financial secrets.
Studies indicate that when couples have calm discussions about money and practice healthy financial habits like spending less than they earn, it can reduce the impact of financial ups and downs on the relationship.
It's important to understand the significance of money to each person in the relationship.
Our relationship with money begins in childhood, and we all have stories, myths, and habits related to money. When these clash with our partner's, it can lead to conflicts and chronic tension in the relationship.
If the mindset of 'us against each other' doesn't shift to 'us against the problem,' it can lead to high levels of conflict and ongoing tension in the relationship.
For many of us, our families taught us that discussing money was impolite, and that personal finances should be kept private. These beliefs may result in avoiding money discussions or keeping financial secrets.
The mindset of 'money is tight' can be changed to 'there is plenty of money for everyone' by developing an abundance-focused mindset. perpetual Improving Financial Intimacy
One way to strengthen financial intimacy with your partner is by sharing a personal story about a money management challenge, mistake, miscalculation, or any financial slip-up. It's like exposing a part of your past that feels forbidden or dark.
Another way to deepen financial intimacy and understand your partner's needs, wishes, and desires is by asking open-ended questions.
According to Dr. John Gottman, asking open-ended questions such as 'What did you like about our money talk last night?' can lead to deeper and more enriching conversations, compared to questions that only require a yes or no response.
debt.
Enhancing financial intimacy can help couples become stronger partners in managing their finances.
Improving communication about finances is an ongoing process that involves making a commitment to have regular and calmer discussions about money, which can help protect your marriage against continual financial
misunderstanding.
Most couples frequently talk about money, like reminding each other to pay the cell phone bill or give the kids money for lunch. But they don't have regular intentional conversations about money with the goal of improving communication about finances. Now it's time to talk about your beliefs and values about money, as well as the specifics of finances such as spending, saving, donating to charity, and planning for retirement – the fundamental ways money moves through your life.
8 methods to have less conflict when talking about money
Using these 8 methods to have less conflict when discussing money with your partner will lead to increased closeness. Both will help you to develop a mindset of ‘we’re in it together’ regarding finances and help to establish the basis for a happy, long-lasting relationship.
Conflict about finances is a major cause of stress in relationships for many couples. In fact, money is one of the most common …
financial error. It’s analogous to getting naked with your partner and exposing part of your past that
feels forbidden or dark.
Another way for you to increase financial intimacy with your partner and to learn more about their
needs, wishes, and desires, is to ask open ended questions. According to Dr. John Gottman, posing questions that require no more than a yes or no response, can kill a conversation, whereas open ended questions such as ‘What did you like about our money talk last night?’ require a deeper response that
can enhance conversation. Financial intimacy can help couples become stronger financial partners.
Having better communication about finances successfully doesn’t start and end with a single
conversation. By making a ‘Communication Pledge’ to have regular lower conflict discussions about
money, you can foster a healthy dialogue and protect your marriage against perpetual
miscommunication.
Most couples discuss money all the time as in: ‘Don’t forget to pay the cell phone bill, or, ‘The kids
need money for lunch.’ But they don’t have regular money talks that are intentional – with a goal of
improving communication about finances. Now it’s time to discuss your money beliefs and values, as
well as the details of finances such as spending, saving, giving to charity, and retirement – the core ways
money flows through your life.
8 ways to have lower conflict conversations about money
Final words
Using these 8 ways to have lower conflict money talks with your partner will lead to increased intimacy. Both will help you to achieve a mindset of ‘we’re in it together’ about finances and help to form the foundation for a happy, long-lasting relationship.
